Posts Tagged ‘bad movies’

Top 10 Worst Christmas Movies

Tuesday, December 25th, 2012

Merry Christmas everyone! Long time, no post. Blame Time Warner, who I’m still waiting on (and can’t switch from, as they are the ONLY option here). Anyway, despite that, its been a good laid back holiday today. Back to work tomorrow though, working on plans for Dead Red Eyes in 2013, now that we’ve got to kick it up into the next gear. Our goal in mid October 2012 was to get things started, finish a screenplay and do a couple of short films. Those are done, and will be online soon (already submitted to various places in the meantime), along with ongoing commentary on how they progress.

Back on this site/blog though, I realized that a top 10 list for Xmas movies had not been made. However, everyone does that. So, lets resume grinch mode and pick the worst 10. And picking sequels is too easy, so there’s a no sequel policy on the first 5. Here we go…..

Worst Ten Christmas Movies:

1) Jingle All The Way: Ah-nold the working class man vs Postal worker Sinbad. Oh man, this movie is horrendous. It’s that movie that you watch because it is THAT bad. At least that’s the excuse you should go with. Even Phil Hartman can’t save this Xmas bag of coal. Am pretty sure Sinbad hasn’t done a movie since.

2) Jack Frost: Michael Keaton, reincarnated as a snowman. What I want to see is that moment where Keaton sees the script and goes “wow, this is great, I can’t wait to act in this”. Evened out the Batman and Beetlejuice roles I guess.

3) 8 Crazy Nights: I couldn’t even watch this whole thing, even on TV. It was that bad. It was like waking up from a bad hangover and saying to yourself “what did I do last night”. The “last night” being one where I liked Adam Sandler movies. Around that time, say 2002, I couldn’t ever watch any of his movies since. That is the effect it had.

4) It’s a Wonderful Life / The Family Man: Believe it or not, I’ve never seen more than 30 seconds of this movie. And people out there LOVE this flick. But Justin strongly insists I put this in my list. Will have to ask him why and get back to you on that. In the meantime, I nominate The Family Man. This movie plot-wise is the same thing, and it has Nicolas Cage doing his same style of acting that he does in every movie. Other than seeing him be a jackass, no reason to watch this.

5) Christmas With The Kranks: Tim Allen may have gotten away with the “no sequel” policy, but this makes the top list. I have to admit though, I haven’t seen most of this one either, so I’m going on other people’s strong recommendations on this. What, you think I make the lists by myself and watch crappy movies all day?

6 through 10) Christmas Sequels: Run them down….

Ernest saves Xmas, Home alone 5, (there was a 4th part!? I was going to write 3, but have been informed that a 4 and a 5 was made!), The Santa Clause (3 of those I think). And even though it’s technically not a sequel, 4 Christmases is enough to dampen any positive viewing spirits for the holidays. That’s more than enough right there. Back to my holiday, have a good one!

Live From New York, It’s Saturday Night Live, Movies

Saturday, November 17th, 2012

I have to admit, its been a while since I’ve watched Saturday Night Live. In fact, I struggled to name three current cast members (had no idea Andy Samberg left). And there have been some horrible ideas come from this show when it comes to movies, a reason why five minute skits should not be 90 minute movies, maybe 80 if you discount the intro and credits. Which means you have 5-10 minutes to kill. So to fill those minutes… here’s a few movies that they maybe (should/could/probably better they did not) have done.

1) Wild and Crazy Guys: Instead of Night at the Roxbury. Ackroyd and Martin might have made this a good movie.

2) The Ambiguously Gay Duo: It’s animated, so easier to do. And they had about a dozen short versions of their stories, that one larger plot wouldn’t be too farfetched.

3) Toonces the driving cat: It would be a horrendous movie. You would already know the ending. And animal rights activists might complain. But done right, this could be hilarious. And it would allow nine crashes.

4) Mr. Belvedere Fan Club: This would be funnier now because it would make no sense to most and for someone to be into it now…? Surely there’s an online fan club, group, etc for everythinng.

5) Hans and Frans: Allegedly this was almost made and it even had Arnold cast for it. But it was never completed.

6) Matt Foley / Motivational Speaker: Because his life is more interesting than Pat’s. But no one could play this role other than Farley, so its perhaps a non factor.

It’s not a top 10 list, as well, most of these skits should not be movies (such as “Pat”) and largely Waynes’ World is to blame.  Will have to make up for it by putting 14 on the next list.